When I Came Out

When I came out to both parents at age 38 it was because I walked into the kitchen just as my Dad said, “We’ve got one at work – and he’s OK.” I asked, “One what?” “A queer.” “Well, you’ve got a queer son – and I hope that’s OK too!” Mum gave me a kiss and a big hug and told me that they loved me. In her last year of life as I cared for her through infirmity and dementia, I had the pleasure of having to come out several times – and always with the same loving response.

When I came out, my mother thought I had AIDS. I don’t have the heart to tell her I’m now HIV+.

When I came out, as lesbian, to my classically conservative parents (Catholic, Traditional, Latino), my dad texted me the next morning, “A parent will never stop loving his child for what it is or does, I just worry about the adversities you’ll have to face.” To this day, they are the only adversity I’ve had to face. They are still convinced it is a sickness and confusion.

When I came out in my 40s, I was surprised by how few people were really surprised. I thought I had done such a good job acting like I was straight. I am now 60 and my mother still thinks that I am just going through a phase.

When I came out, I was lucky to have the loving support of my family, friends, and my children. Now I am giving back to the GLBTIQ community, by helping others.

When I came out to my mom years ago and told her I was bisexual, she insisted it was just a phase and I had no clue what I really wanted because I was only 15. I still haven’t worked up the courage to come out to her again because I’m afraid she’ll keep denying it.

When I came out to my friends, nothing in my life really changed at all, and that’s more than I could have ever asked for.

When I came out it was to a room full of my drunken friends in a pub aged 17. None of them remembered so I had to do it all again the next day.

When I came out to my sister she was so excited she called my other sister at 2am, woke her up, and told her to come over to her house because I had news to tell her. My sister responded, “Did he finally come out?” to which my other sister said, “Just get the hell over here!” She did and we had a great conversation. Both were also there for me when I came out to my parents the next night.

When I came out in junior high a little over a decade ago, my mom accused me of saying it just to hurt her, scolded me each time she caught my girlfriend and I showing affection in public because she worried I’d get hurt if people found out, and eventually forced me into counseling. Ten years later, after being treated for depression and anxiety, she attended a religious retreat at which she was honored as a major speaker wearing a huge pin asking viewers to speak with her about her queer, genderqueer child. Sometimes it takes time!