When I Came Out

When I came out to a friend over dinner, I said, “I’ve got something to tell you, I’m -“. I broke down; I couldn’t get it out. He broke down. Eventually, I recovered and said, “I’m gay.” He said, “Thank God, I thought you were going say you’re dying.” We both laugh about it now.

When I came out, the only person that gave me grief for it was the priest at my Catholic school. It’s been a year since that, and he’s finally accepted me for who I am.

When I “came out” to my mom, it was at her funeral. One of her close friends came up to me after the service and told me discreetly and with affection that mothers always had love for their “special” children. She wanted me to know that my mother knew, and that she loved me. I wish I’d had the chance to tell her…

When I came out, my mom cried because she worried about difficulties I may face in life for being gay. When I told my dad, he said, “Everyone has something in life that they have to deal with because of other people’s reaction to it. In the scheme of things, yours isn’t that bad.” It was perfect to hear.

When I came out, even my ex-girlfriend wasn’t surprised! Friends, family, co-workers, it seemed that they all knew, but I didn’t. I was one of the lucky ones where nothing changed except for me! Thankfully I came out in time and met the man I will marry, and after eight years together, I think it’s time!

When I came out my sister took it hard. It took her a while to warm up to it. After she died I came across some journals and letters of hers and realized that my sister had struggled with her own sexuality. It makes sense now, but I wish we could have talked about it. Mostly, I’m sad I never got to take her to a pride festival.

When I came out as trans to my parents, it was with a note, as I was locked in the bathroom crying and unable to speak. Five years and several equally disastrous episodes of breaching the topic later, neither parent has provided any real help and transitioning still seems like a distant dream.

When I came out, my friends were confused. But my girlfriend just laughed and said, “Oh, I always knew.”

When I came out to my long time (30+ years) friends, I remembered to thank them for walking with me through that period and offering their steadfast, silent, and loving support without judgement all those years. We no longer had to dance around the elephant in the room! And we dance joyfully!

When I came out, I couldn’t believe how mean the gay “community” was. If you didn’t look a certain way, if you didn’t wear the right clothes, listen to the right music, worship female celebrities, you were dirt. It hasn’t really changed since 1985, either.