When I Came Out

When I came out to my parents at 17, my mother said, “Oh, we’ve always known that.”

When I came out at the age of 36, I would regularly catch myself giggling at how silly it had been that I hadn’t done it sooner.

When I came out in the ’80s, I thought I would finally have some place to belong. Turns out I wasn’t the right kind of gay, either. I’m still alone, without a tribe.

When I came out, I felt a very heavy load lifted off my shoulders. Years of depression and self-hate went away. I abandoned 37 years at a church that couldn’t accept me and went to one that does.

When I came out, my wife took the children to her parents’. We stayed married two more years, which was a big mistake. It took me 20 years to make amends for that.

When I came out in in 1985 my parents dragged me out of the Lesbian & Gay Centre in Manchester and screamed abuse at me on Canal Street. They joined a support group for parents of queer Jewish youth and got over it. In 2006 they came to my civil partnership ceremony. Spare Rib magazine and Channel 4 was the only oases in heteroculture in 1985. Without those and the support offered at the Manchester gay youth group I definitely would have topped myself.

When I came out, my mum was confused. Hesitant. I’d been in an abusive, straight relationship at the time, and fallen for a woman in another country. Four years later, and my parents both agree my wife is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

When I came out, I told my mom over the phone. She said she had known for a while and that she had also pursued a relationship with an older gay couple so that my father wouldn’t be freaked out when I told them. I’ve never been to Fire Island, but my dad has!

When I came out, it was at the bar to about a dozen of my friends. I was terrified at the time but months down the line, all my friends remarked on how much happier I was and how all the anger I had in me seemed to have disappeared because I was honest with them and with myself. Six years later and life is still getting better every day!

When I came out to my grandmother, she told me: “Of course you’re gay. You are so sensitive and smart! How could you not?”