When I Came Out

When I came out in 1998, my mom cried from fear. When I got married to my partner in 2008, she cried again, but this time, from happiness.

When I came out to my mom she said that she had known since I was five years old and had asked her to teach me how to crochet. We got along great after that. She told me that I was like the daughter she never had. My sisters did not appreciate this.

When I came out, I was suddenly lifted out of a long depression. For weeks after, I was sure people could tell I was gay just by looking at me. And I didn’t care.

When I came out to my friend, with whom I’d gone to a parochial high school, she said, “Don’t do what every Catholic gay boy does and become a priest!”

When I came out to my best friend in 1987, his first words were, “Well, I’m not gay.” Four years later he came out to me.

When I came out to my former college roommate at 25, he asked, “Why did you have a picture of Tyra Banks on the wall then?” “Camouflage.” My sister said, “I thought you were just a loser with women, but now it makes sense.” Mom knew when I was a boy and both parents discussed it behind closed doors for years!

When I came out to my best friends, they smiled and loved me. When I came out to my parents, they said when you meet him bring him home. When I came out, I was free.

When I came out, at age 14, declaring that I was not interested in any relationship with anyone, all the adults smiled and said: “You’ll find your special someone.” Today, 18 years later, they fall silent when I tell them I’m not interested in a special someone. Find your own way, and stay true to it!

When I came out to my mother, she said, “Does Chris know?” At that point, we had already been together for three years! 25 years later, our standing joke: “Wait a minute. Are you telling me you’re gay?”

When I came out I was a Baptist music minister. I lost my career, my family, and all my “friends.” Now my family loves me more than ever and I have friends who love me for who I am (and a much better career!).