When I Came Out

When I came out to my friend, with whom I’d gone to a parochial high school, she said, “Don’t do what every Catholic gay boy does and become a priest!”

When I came out to my best friend in 1987, his first words were, “Well, I’m not gay.” Four years later he came out to me.

When I came out to my former college roommate at 25, he asked, “Why did you have a picture of Tyra Banks on the wall then?” “Camouflage.” My sister said, “I thought you were just a loser with women, but now it makes sense.” Mom knew when I was a boy and both parents discussed it behind closed doors for years!

When I came out to my best friends, they smiled and loved me. When I came out to my parents, they said when you meet him bring him home. When I came out, I was free.

When I came out, at age 14, declaring that I was not interested in any relationship with anyone, all the adults smiled and said: “You’ll find your special someone.” Today, 18 years later, they fall silent when I tell them I’m not interested in a special someone. Find your own way, and stay true to it!

When I came out to my mother, she said, “Does Chris know?” At that point, we had already been together for three years! 25 years later, our standing joke: “Wait a minute. Are you telling me you’re gay?”

When I came out I was a Baptist music minister. I lost my career, my family, and all my “friends.” Now my family loves me more than ever and I have friends who love me for who I am (and a much better career!).

When I came out one world shut me completely out and another opened up. I lost the majority of the family that I had known my entire life but gained the love and acceptance of a new family, a family that loved me for me, not for who they wanted me to be. Much has changed, and I would be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt to lose the love and respect of my family, but knowing all of that I would do it all over again a million times. I am out and proud and for the first time in my life, truly happy.

When I came out, I lost all 34 members of my family to anti-gay hatred. They declared war on my life; ten years were lost to “ex-gay” ministry, and my place at the table of the heart of my family’s love was never recovered. After 12 of the greatest years of my life with my wonderful partner, I realized that I wasn’t the one with the “problem”; I’d do it all again even earlier; and the educational system and churches in this country are not nearly as honest about real people’s lives as they need to be.

When I came out to my uncle, he was more freaked out about me being a vegetarian than a lesbian.