When I Came Out

When I came out, my west Texas-born redneck trucker stepfather asked if it was a recent thing, or a for a while thing. When I told him it had been for a while, he said, “Alright then.” And he never treated me with anything less than total love. My liberal soccer-mom mother went totally ballistic and we couldn’t talk for a year without screaming at each other. Things turned out just fine.

When I came out, it was to my older brother, after a very personal conversation. He talked about his own issues, then I came out to him. He took it well, no drama, no big display of emotions; just two close brothers confiding to one another. A year later, he hung himself, taking both his life and my secret with him. And I still have to come out.

When I came out, my family was just about to head to Wal-Mart. After a tear-filled conversation, we left for the store and proceeded to shop with the reddest, puffiest eyes imaginable. It was all worth it, as 5 years later nothing makes me happier than seeing my parents hug my boyfriend.

When I came out to my squadron after the DADT repeal, everyone shook my hand and told me how brave I was. I didn’t feel brave; I felt proud about how far the Air Force and the military came that day.

When I came out, I was 21, scared out of my mind someone would “find out.” It was my mother who said, “We know you’re gay, we know your ‘roommate’ is your boyfriend, and we want you to know we love you.” That was 29 years ago. I’m still grateful I have such loving parents.

When I came out, my mother told me she accepted me and wanted to be a good parent to a gay son. Three days later, she took it back. She made it clear that she would never support me. She died eleven months later of lung cancer.

When I came out, my dad told me he’d never been more proud of me. It was hard, but it improved my relationship with my parents 500%. My sister came out a few years later.

When I came out, I told my wife that I had fallen in love with a man, and she said that she and I would have to get divorced, not because she was angry but because I deserved to be able to marry someone that I could fully love. I used to feel awkward, coming out as having married a woman, but wife and I are closer than ever, co-parenting two children, and often talk about the men we’re dating.

When I came out I took the opportunity to also come out as an atheist. My religious parents are finally fine with the gay part… still working on the god part.

When I came out, my father told me I was disowned. I told him to get over it. He did.