When I Came Out

When I came out my uncle said, “Oh, is that all? I thought you were going to ask to borrow money.”

When I came out as bisexual my Dad asked me how bisexual I was, on a scale from “bi-curious” to “Jack Harkness.” My Mum tried to tell me about her experiments with girls in high school. Geek references and TMI are a pretty good coming out experience, in my opinion.

When I came out, my mom said, “You love who you love. All that matters is that you’re happy.” That day — although I knew she’d always love me no matter what — was the first time I really felt it. Thanks, Mom.

When I came out, I discovered my friends were my second family and my mum’s love had conditions. 10 years later, she still denies the fact that I’m gay and berates me for it. I’m grateful to my friends and siblings for helping to keep me sane.

When I came out my mom already knew. “Hon, when you ran around in my heels with your blanket wrapped around you as a dress and wearing my rings saying you were a fairy princess there to help people, I wasn’t surprised. I knew you were special and wonderful before then.”

When I came out at 27 I didn’t want my closest friends to hear it secondhand. So I scheduled a series of individual meetings over drinks at a local Chinese restaurant. By the 4th or 5th meeting the Chinese cocktail waitress approached our table and said to my friend, “He gay. No crying. What you want to drink?” We’re still laughing about it 20 years later.

When I came out, Mom cried and Dad told me it was a “lie from satan.” The depression nearly drove me to suicide; the guy I fell in love with saved me. The relationship didn’t last but the hope and relief of knowing I didn’t have to be alone will stay with me forever.

When I came out, it was initially to my Nanna. She lent forward and said slowly, as if speaking to a child: “I’m not stuuuupid!”

When I came out I didn’t want to have to repeat the process over and over (I have a huge family, and lots of friends, none of whom I was out to). So I made a flyer and mailed a copy to everyone and then put one up on the bulletin board at work. I outed myself to everyone and got it over in about three days. The response was a bit mixed but mostly positive!

When I came out, the first thing my dad said to me was: “Make sure you date a guy your own height. That way, you get to double the size of your wardrobe.” To this day, it remains some of the most intelligent and practical fatherly advice I’ve ever been given.