When I Came Out

When I came out, it was the most freeing moment of my life. I came out to my best friend at college, and he told me, “I’m with you through thick and thin.” I was afterwards a groomsman at his wedding, and his family loves me like one of their family. I could finally be truthful to myself and everyone else in my life…

When I came out,my mom was very upset about it, but my dad took it rather differently. After a long and difficult conversation with both parents, I went to bed early, with my head by the footboard and my feet on the pillow. When my dad came in to wake me up, he said, “I have some concerns about your orientation.” I nodded, internally cringing at the thought of what was coming next. “Well, I’ll just come out with it,” he continued. “Your feet are by the headboard, and your head is where your feet should be.”

When I came out to my parents the first time, they were very upset. Whenever I brought up the subject or tried to assert my identity my dad would act mean towards me. Seven years later my mom started to accept me, secretly, but not in front of my dad. Nine years later when I came out to my dad for the third time — and after I had been on hormones for a year and a half — he finally accepted me as his daughter.

When I came out, I asked my mother to tell my father for me, because I was scared. Two minutes later, he came into the room and gave me a hug, and told me that it didn’t matter if I was dating a girl. He was still proud to be my father.

When I came out to my new college friends and roommates, they barely reacted–just stared at me. I thought they were freaked, didn’t know what to say. But when I mentioned that, months later, they said, “No–sweetie, it was *7am*. You could have told us you fellated goats, and we would have just yawned and said, ‘Oh. Pass the salt?'”

When I came out my dad said, “At least we won’t have to pay for a wedding.” It was short-lived when my mom reminded him gay marrige is legal in Canada.

When I came out as asexual, my dad grunted and walked away from me. That night, he stared me down while I ate. He wanted it to be clear: he wasn’t going to judge me for my sexuality the way he’d judge me for taking his last granola bar.

When I came out, I was talking to my best friend on AIM and said, “I think I might, maybe…be gay”. She was amazingly supportive and late that night drove me around through the deserted streets of our town, rolled down my window, and made me scream “I’M GAY!” until I got comfortable saying it. More friends and family followed and were equally supportive and I feel so lucky to have such amazing people in my life.

When I came out, I learned what family really meant, that sometimes it doesn’t have anything to do with your DNA. My parents withdrew their support, and my friends, professors, and trans mentors stepped up to provide support in a huge way. I was terrified, but I found my people and I found myself.

When I came out, my family started telling me they loved me for the first time on a regular basis.