When I Came Out

When I came out, my mother turned to my “friend” and said, “How long have you been sleeping with my son?” I brought him home and told her he was just a friend. He was the first person I had ever brought home to meet the parents!

When I came out, albeit indirectly, my mother changed the subject. We haven’t spoken of it since.

When I came out to my oldest friend she was offended I was even nervous, even though I’d been “holding out” on her for almost 30 years. She said it would take time to get used to, but that I was still me and she still loved me.

When I came out, the kids at school stopped teasing me. They seemed to only hate it when they didn’t know what I was.

When I came out to my father, it was four months after my mother passed away. I had moved out of my wife’s home over a year before and he had heard rumors we were divorcing. I told him I had met a man and that I was gay; I was crying. His first question was “Are you sure?” The next thing he said was through tears: “You’re my son, I love you, and I always will.” When he died he had learned to love both my partner and the kids he had brought into our lives.

When I came out to my parents, it was right after my marriage ended and I was sitting in a car 4,000 miles away, crying like a baby. As a 38-year-old man, I felt like a kid telling my parents the worst news ever… now they’d reject me for sure. My mom cried but quickly explained that she cried about the fact that she’d failed as a mom in not having recognized the obvious pain as I suffered in silence and how she didn’t see it. My dad (who is a macho Italian-American) said, a little perplexed, “Son, why are you crying? You are my son, and I love you unconditionally.”

When I came out I didn’t know I was coming out. I explained to my aunt what I was feeling and she told me not to tell anyone else. I thought I was the only person like me for years. Now I’m happily married to a wonderful woman for 3 years, together for over 8, and glad that I got the courage to tell everyone who I am.

When I came out to my parents, halfway through lunch on Boxing Day 1991, I told them about “someone special” that I had met, and with whom I planned to spend the rest of my life. My mother cried, my father was stoic — and despite their fears and generational prejudices, they tried to be supportive. Today, my husband and I are 20 years into our lifetime together, and my parents could not be more loving, supportive, and proud of each of us. I am so very lucky.

When I came out to my mom we didn’t talk for 2 and half months after that. I moved in with my Dad and step-mom, who were 100% okay with my sexuality. A year and half later my mom and I have still never brought it up… I wish I could just talk to her and tell her that I have found and lost love with a beautiful, amazing woman.

When I came out to my uber-religious parents they were in complete shock and denial, the conversation ending with: “If that’s the way you are, then fine, but you’ll have to be single for the rest of your life,” that they would cut off any financial assistance to me until I recanted my “lifestyle,” and none of my “friends” were welcome in their home when I visited. Two days later they called and said, “We want you to know we love you, we always have and we always will. You’re not alone.” It will take time, but I know we’ll get through this. Love conquers all.