When I Came Out

When I came out, my mother and father hugged me, and told me that I could talk to them about it whenever I want.

When I came out, I was with my mom in a mental hospital after I attempted suicide. She didn’t seem surprised.

When I came out for the first time, it wasn’t a big deal anymore. There wasn’t anxiety, or grief, or a flood of any emotion at all, it just felt fine. That was perfect.

When I came out, my mother turned to my “friend” and said, “How long have you been sleeping with my son?” I brought him home and told her he was just a friend. He was the first person I had ever brought home to meet the parents!

When I came out, albeit indirectly, my mother changed the subject. We haven’t spoken of it since.

When I came out to my oldest friend she was offended I was even nervous, even though I’d been “holding out” on her for almost 30 years. She said it would take time to get used to, but that I was still me and she still loved me.

When I came out, the kids at school stopped teasing me. They seemed to only hate it when they didn’t know what I was.

When I came out to my father, it was four months after my mother passed away. I had moved out of my wife’s home over a year before and he had heard rumors we were divorcing. I told him I had met a man and that I was gay; I was crying. His first question was “Are you sure?” The next thing he said was through tears: “You’re my son, I love you, and I always will.” When he died he had learned to love both my partner and the kids he had brought into our lives.

When I came out to my parents, it was right after my marriage ended and I was sitting in a car 4,000 miles away, crying like a baby. As a 38-year-old man, I felt like a kid telling my parents the worst news ever… now they’d reject me for sure. My mom cried but quickly explained that she cried about the fact that she’d failed as a mom in not having recognized the obvious pain as I suffered in silence and how she didn’t see it. My dad (who is a macho Italian-American) said, a little perplexed, “Son, why are you crying? You are my son, and I love you unconditionally.”

When I came out I didn’t know I was coming out. I explained to my aunt what I was feeling and she told me not to tell anyone else. I thought I was the only person like me for years. Now I’m happily married to a wonderful woman for 3 years, together for over 8, and glad that I got the courage to tell everyone who I am.